It's that time of year again! Visit your local mall, Wal*Mart or Department of Motor Vehicles and you'll see them. They come in all shapes and sizes - those little darlings in the brown skirts and green sashes hocking their wares. They're the Girl Scouts of America and they have cookies! Once a year, for a few remarkable weeks, they will even bring their delicious treats right to your front door!
You're thinking, "Me? Girl Scout Cookies? I can't...I'm on a diet!" But hush! I was behind you in the McDonald's drive-thru not but three days ago and you weren't worried about your diet then! Or, you're thinking "$3.50 for a box of cookies? That's just too steep!" But Octomom can afford a new set of pink and white nails every two weeks and SHE has 14 children under the age of seven. Wait, wait, I forgot. Octomom is straight slap-ass crazy, so she might not be the best example, but still! $3.50 for a box of cookies is a STEAL considering that not even a year ago, you were paying upward of $4 PER GALLON for gas and still making those twice-weekly jaunts across town to get to...none other than McDonald's (I know, I was there, remember?)
When you think about it, the timing might not be remarkable, but it is certainly fortuitous. I don't believe it's sheer coincidence that annual Girl Scout Cookie sales coincide with federal tax returns. Uncle Sugar drops a few Benjamins into your BofA account and you're set to buy at least two beautiful green boxes of the Thin Mints.
Since we're on the topic of Thin Mints, I must add that they are, in a way, an investment in your future. Toss a sleeve in the door of the freezer and they'll keep right on through summer. Then, when you're haggard from a long day of work and need just a little something cool and minty to take the edge off, you can open the door and they'll be there to greet you. Your brain will scream "Get in my belly!" and the next thing you know, you'll be standing there with the freezer door ajar, cold blast of air hitting you in the face, crumbs down your shirt and nothing but a cellophane sheath as evidence to the dozen little chocolatey discs you just housed when no one was looking! But the great news about Thin Mints? As long as they're consumed while standing up, only half the calories stick. An added bonus? If you eat them by nothing but the dim light illuminating from under the stove hood, the calories don't count at all!
You have the chance to improve the sales skills of little street peddlers everywhere, put money back in your local economy AND (gentlemen, this is for you) the opportunity to save your marriage by placing a Samoa in your mouth rather than the foot you would usually place there.
Girl Scout Cookies are a win-win, really. I suggest you head out tomorrow and snap up a few boxes before it's too late. Please - I implore you! I'll be honest - this blog is a blatant attempt to assuage my guilt over the disgusting amount of cookies that MIGHT have made their way past my lips and down my gullet in the past few weeks. However, there's no need to actually discuss THAT. We'll just readdress the fact that in today's failing economy, it's your civic responsibility as good, decent Americans to place your hard earned wages back into American ingenuity.
So buy the cookies already, dang it. The future of our nation is depending on it!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
Whoa! Tell me more about getting money back from Uncle Sam! Who do you have to sleep with to get that to happen?
Secondly, didn't Bernie Madoff get his start as a Girl Scout?
Post a Comment