I SAW MONKEYS

I saw monkeys today! Okay, really, they are red-assed baboons, but it's more fun to say monkeys. It was my first true African experience. And anyone who knows me know that I love nothing more than midgets and monkeys. Rumor has it that there is a Djiboutian midget in town, so now that I've seen the monkeys, it's time to hunt out the midget. Then I can get on the next hot thing smoking out of here and say my mission was complete.

Today I went out with the Djiboutian Navy. (Navy is a loose term - they have MAYBE 200 people in their entire Navy) I rode aboard the DNS Arkansas. No. I'm not lying. You CAN'T make this stuff up folks. It is a 55' Sea Hawk that was built in none other than Monticello, Ark., bought by the Embassy here and then sold/donated/traded/whatever to the Djiboutian "Navy."

It was an interesting experience, to say the least. But they were VERY kind to me.
They were not able to say "Kati" so they called me "Ange" which, in French, loosely translates to "Angel." STOP LAUGHING! There is SOOOO much lost in translation here. And I'm sure, since I am THE whitest thing they've ever seen, I just might look angelic to them. Hehehehe. Okay, even I'm laughing at THAT.

Anyway, once we were underway (Navy speak for the boat is moving I guess) they offered me an almost cold Coke in a bottle and then each of them came out at least once to inquire about my safety. I think there was great fear among the crew that I would fall overboard at some point. And that is amazing, considering they don't even know me! Had they known me, I'm sure they would have lashed me to the railing to ensure my safety.

When we reached the Port of Obock, we met with the Commissar - which is like the governor of Obock. That is kind of silly since Obock has maybe 500 people living there. I was treated to a flat, fried pan "bread" and some grilled fish with a side of lime. Once I convinced myself that we were really just inland of Ensenada and that I was eating fresh fish tacos, the entire meal became quite appetizing. To be honest, it was GOOD. All I needed was a cold drink and I would have been set.

While there, I looked over to a fence area about 10 yards away and saw a whole pack of red-assed baboons. There were cute little babies and a big fat Alpha Male and all of them sported the best Don King coif I have ever seen. They were grooming and picking and howling. So I had to come over take photos - of course - which just tickled my Djiboutian escorts. I think it would be the equivalent of someone coming to New York and then being enthralled by the pigeons in Central Park. I guess the monkeys just don't hold the same luster for them. They don't know the joy they're missing.

I got to see where we're helping to build a sanitary meat processing plant and I toured a hospital. It was an interesting day. I WAS a little bit disappointed that our boat didn't have any flintlock pistols or cannons on board to ward off the pirates we might encounter in the gulf. But then I was doubly disappointed when we didn't actually encounter any PIRATES. Which made the lack of weaponry a moot point. Oh well... maybe next time!

Fellow PA Killed in Iraq

In every war and during every deployment there is the risk that one of our fellow servicemen may become wounded or killed. That risk has become even more clear to me.

A fellow member of my Public Affairs career field was killed Monday near Bayji, Iraq, when the Iraqi Army Mi-17 helicopter he was flying on crashed - killing all 7 aboard. Staff Sgt. Chris Frost, a PA from Kirtland Air Force Base in New Mexico was 24 when he died.

Chris was nearing the end of a 6 month tour in Iraq - he was to go home in just three weeks. Ours is a tiny career field - there are less than a few hundred of us who perform this mission (officer and enlisted) and are a tight-knit group. The loss of a tremendous PA will be felt through tout our entire field.

He will return to his home in Wisconsin early this morning to be laid to rest. The wonderful men and women of the Patriot Guard will be on hand from the time he arrives until after his funeral to ensure that he and his family receive only the deepest of respect.

I ask that tonight, and every night, you keep Chris, his two children, and all of men and women who are defending our nation in your thoughts and prayers. With the constant amount of deployments we're facing, my fear is that our being far from home and in harm's way will become "the norm..." and the loss of a great Airmen should never seem normal.

TSA 1, Kati 0

So... I learned a valuable lesson on this trip. That would be that no one who works for TSA has a sense of humor. At all! Let me explain...

I traveled in uniform. With orders. And a military ID. Got through TSA at Little Rock just fine. Cleared security at Atlanta just fine. Then I get to Norfolk. This is a military city, you'd think they would know how to do this... So here's the scene (and I'm SO not making this up!):

TSA: "You need to remove your boots"

Me: Why?

TSA: Because there are steel shanks in them

Me: And?....

TSA: "You're military - they train you to use those to kill people"

(Um? Huh? What? Now remember, I've been flying for 24 hours. I'm tired, I'm hungry and I'm flat slap-ass crazy at this point. So you'll have to forgive me for what comes next...)

Me: "No ma'am - they train us to kill using our pinkie finger, 3 ounces of Visine and the Draw 4 card from the Uno deck. But you're in luck - I left my Uno cards at home...:

Did you know that the loudest words ever spoken in an airport at "I need a female assist and a supervisor at Lane 2"?!? Yeah...

So while Prince Ali Fabulous is He Ali Abawa floats by on his rug, three women and their 19 children stream by in their Burkahs, 72 virgins and a man just short of leading livestock gets through, I'm off to the side. My uniform top (and boots) is off, I'm standing butt cheeks akimbo and being patted, wanded, frisked and lectured. Oh, and they took my Visine! And searched my bag for the Uno cards that I CLEARLY stated I left at home.

Ugh - some people have no sense of humor!

Getting to Djibouti

I'm here! Getting here was painful - to say the least.

When I woke up Tuesday morning to snow, I should have just gone right back to bed, because it was a sure sign that hell was freezing over. But no... I pushed on.

I was supposed to leave Little Rock at 12:10 Tuesday. We boarded at 1 and then sat at the end of the run way for an hour waiting to be able to take off (weather). We finally took off, flew 10 minutes and turned back around because of weather in Atlanta.

We took off again at 5:15 and by the time I got to ATL I had missed all my connections. I got put on a 9:30 p.m. flight out of ATL that boarded at 11:55, but because of a mechanical problem, didn't actually take off until 12:20 a.m. Then we got to Virgina and because of weather, we got to circle for an hour. So... I missed my rotator by a good 8 hours. And then TMO SENT ME HOME!!!!

So I claimed my bags in Norfolk at 3:45 a.m., took them right back to Delta and got back on the same plane I had just gotten off. No lie. Got to Atlanta at 8:10 a.m. (still haven't been to sleep) to be told I'm not coming home - I'm going to Baltimore. So I flew from ATL to Cinncianati to BWI. And when I got there... NO BAGS. Of couse. Now, this is literally five flights in 34 hours and I haven't even left the U.S. yet!

I got to BWI at 2:30 p.m. Wednesday, my bags got there at 9:51 p.m. and I had to check in for my next flight by 10 p.m. Just made it...

Flew from Baltimore (where we were delayed for maintenance) to Germany. There, we were once again delayed for maintenance. Then we flew to Italy. There, we were delayed because of an in-flight emergency. Then we flew to Al Udied, where I got to sit and wait for 36 hours for a flight.

THANK YOU to the men of the 463rd AG out of Little Rock who came from Iraq to Qatar to fly me to Djibouti. Without them, I'd still be sitting in a tent waiting for a plane!

So, all told, I left home Tuesday morning and slept in my first bed on Friday night and got to Africa on Saturday at dinner time. I hope the trip back is better!

***A special thanks goes to Agent Rick Pearson, who showed at at BWI at 2:30 Thursday and provided me with car service, baggage help, a hotel to shower in, a hot meal, a trip to both Target and Wal*Mart, drug my bags through all of BWI at 10 at night and then put me on a plane with a smile and a warm hug.

***Thank you as well to Mike and Leigh! They pulled me off a plane in Italy in before anyone else, I got to sit in the terminal with them for about 45 minutes, and I got hugs, pictures and a goody bag for the plane.

I am blessed with some incredible friends!

My deployed addresses

For those of you asking for my deployed address, here you go...

Mail can be sent to:
TSgt Katherine Garcia (USAF)
CJTF-HOA/PAO
FPO AE 09363

Mail takes about 10 days to get there, but it will take me about 10 days to get there as well. My suggestion is that no one send any mail before like... March 4th. That will give me plenty of time to get there.

As for e-mail... Rumor has it that I can Myspace from work (SWEET) and that I'll have access to my Yahoo mail. So you're all free to e-mail me at iamkati@yahoo.com or using my Myspace. But... if you want to send it through my work account, knock yourself out. That address is katherine.a.garcia@hoa.centcom.mil.

Again, I would wait to send any e-mail to that adress until either the middle of the month or until you see something from me confirming my arrival.

Lastly, here's the thing. I'm taking a slow boat via China to get there. I am literally traveling through 9 airports. I change planes no less than 4 times. And I'm pretty sure that in that trek, communication is going to be kept to a minimum. If you don't hear from me for a while, it's OKAY - I promise!

Keep the cards and letters coming folks. I love me some snail mail and I'm pretty good about writing back.

Registering for Deployment

People register for things every day, right? Someone has a baby, it's off to Target.com to pursue their registry. Ken pops the question? Barbie pops over to Linens and Things to log in reams of flatware and place mats. But what about a deployment registry? Doesn't it make sense?

I'm headed to an Army base in the middle of the desert. They have a small base exchange (ironically run by the Navy) where they sell "necessities." Okay, necessary for WHOM? Because I'm sure that G.I. Joe and his cronies might be able to survive the surface of the sun off nothing but a bar of Dial and a stick of Mitchem for 15 months. But I'm in the Air Force for a reason. My necessities are a wee bit different. I'd love to tell you stories about how the last time I deployed I didn't mind the whole "use whatever is on hand" concept. But it's a lie. I'm spoiled. And girly. And spoiled.

When you're exactly 12,000 miles from home (as far away as you can get without heading back again...) you want nothing more than creature comforts. But Starbucks, pedicures and TiVo just aren't possible. So what's the next best thing? Care packages - big, small, edible, wrapped in newsprint... it matters not. What matters is that somewhere, someone took time from their busy day to think of you and then schlep that thought over to the post office to make sure it made its way to your eager hands.

I'm not picky and I'm not greedy. I'll be happy with an e-mail from home once a week and maybe a People magazine once a month. But... if we're gonna do this, let's do it right (church up the care packages, if you will.) Six months (36 weeks, or 179 days) is a LONG time to "make due" with the Navy's version of the Army's necessities. And anyone who knows anything about college football knows THIS rivalry is decades old. Do we even want to guess what the Navy sends the Army? I think not...

So, I have composed a list of MY necessities for the 6 months I'm gone. Again, this is a WISH list. Just things I know I'll miss and would love to have. You're free to send nothing at all. Or anything you want not on the list. But these are my "gotta have" daily use items.

Items found in any Target in America (including the one in Arkansas!!!!)

* John Frieda Sheer Blonde shampoo and conditioner in platinum to champagne. It keeps my locks from getting brassy. And with the chlorine in THAT water? Forgetaboutit...

* Neutrogena Visibly Even foaming cleanser and Visibly Even daily SPF 15 moisturizer. They don't have a "type" (dry, normal, etc.) They just are.

* Gillette Satin Care vanilla dream shave gel. 'Nuff said.

* Degree (for women) Clinical Protection antiperspirant and deodorant. I think the high there is going to be about 2,036 degrees Kelvin. I'll need to reapply about every 6 minutes.

* Gillette Venus razor blazes for the Gillette Venus razor. They're in a blue pack.

* Curel Continuous Comfort lotion - original formula. But... it's the desert, so if you find the extra dry skin one, that will work too.

Found in Bath & Body Works

* B&BW Warm Vanilla Sugar creme body wash. It's the one in the tube. It's nice and easy to take to the shower.

Now, I can live without any of this, but would I want to? Uh - Noooooooo.... It's ME people. It's me.

Also, when I get there, I'm going to figure out what they have in the "snack" department. But short of a Pepperidge Farm Yard o' Beef, send anything you can think of. I'm stocked up on the Roasted Garlic Triscuits (I have my priorities) but I'm a fan of EZ Cheese (it's a cheese like product in a can) and well... anything else you can think of. And Oreos. But don't get fancy - inside out Oreos? Wrong! I'm happy with Double Stuff.

Wow - I sound need and greedy right now so I'll wrap it up.

I love you all and I'll talk to you soon!

Kati

Preparing for Deployment

I'm a little closer to heading to the surface of the sun than I would like to admit. To be honest, I leave in a little under...um.. 75 days?

So, I'm creating a blog space that is going to allow me to keep in touch with everyone. I plan to use this for my random musings between now and next September when I'm back on terra firma with my boys where I belong.

So, I ask that you please subscribe to my blog. You'll be able to tell when I have posted something and I'll be able to better keep everyone up to date on where I am, what I'm doing, and frankly, what I think of the entire situation.

**Legal disclaimer ** The views expressed in this blog are in no way the views of the Air Force, the United States government or anyone else who might be able to file disciplinary action against me - but damnit, they should be.

**Moral disclaimer** There WILL be times where I might (hehe) use a bad word or three in my blogs. I'll try to sensor (f*** for the f word, etc) but please, don't take offensive. I'll keep it PG-13 if you keep your sense of humor.

**Comedic disclaimer** If you're reading my blogs, please know that I will make fun of ANYONE (myself included). I do not discriminate based on race, class, gender, creed, color or religion. I make fun of stupid people equally. So... please don't feel singled out if you see something that MAY resemble you in my blog. It's almost always a generalization of stupid people. Unless, of course, YOU were the stupid person, but then, I'll be sure to call you out by name.

So enjoy the countdown and the ride, and let's get through this trip together.

Muuuaaaaah!